vulnerability

Last Sunday was one of my all time favourite nights at Sunday @5. It was also very intense. Still discussing the role of the Holy Spirit, we talked about vulnerability and the freedom it can bring to people. We had a great time of people being open about their weaknesses and getting real about stuff. This really excites me because I want a church full of people who are willing to ditch the pretense and to really walk together in truth. I think we're heading in the right direction.

A book that I've been reading every now and then over the last year or so is a book called 'Abba's Child' by Brennan Manning. It's had a profound effect on the way that I see God and some of what this man has written is gold. So good for the soul. I thought I would share a few paragraphs. Read them slow!

This brokeness is what needs to be accepted. Unfortunately this is what we tend to reject. Here the seeds of corrosive self-hatred take root. This painful vulnerability is the characteristic feature of our humanity that most needs to be embraced in order to restore our human condition to a healed state.

It used to be that I never felt safe with myself unless I was performing perfectly. My desire to be perfect had transcended my desire for God... my jaded perception of personal failure and inadequacy led to a loss of self esteem, triggering episodes of mild depression and heavy anxiety.

Some of us believe that God is almighty and can do everything; and that He is all wise and can do everything; but that He is all love and will do everything - there we draw back. As I see it, this ignorance is the greatest of all hindrances to God's lovers.

...they over-extend themselves in people, projects and causes, motivated not by personal commitment but by the fear of not living up to others' expectations. Everybody will admire us but no one will know us.

...I have always loved you. And I have been waiting for you to hear me say that to you. But you have been so busy trying to prove to yourself that you are loved that you have not heard me.

Experiencing the inner healing of the heart is seldom a sudden catharsis or an instant liberation from bitterness, anger, resentment, and hatred. More often it is a gentle growing into oneness with the Crucified who has achieved our peace through His blood on the cross. This may take considerable time because the memories are so vivid and the hurt is still so deep. But it will happen.

May you know the God of love as a stronger force than the fight inside.