Casey's Awkward Confessions: #2

One of the most romantic and creepy things anyone has ever done for me happened in my first year at Sydney University, when I was living in one of the residential halls. I came home from class, went into my bedroom and discovered a note that had been slipped under the door. Written on pink card, the note said:

‘Roses are red

Violets are blue

I think you’re sweet

Do I have a chance with you?*

*That was a rhetorical question.’

Closer inspection revealed the note had also been scented with perfume. Yes, I had received my first official anonymous love letter. A scented, hand-written, pink, poetic and, for reasons unknown, rhetorical love letter. Before you ask, no it wasn’t from a girl.

Unfortunately the sender’s affections weren’t mutual and in a fit of startling maturity I got my friend to tell him that I was still with my boyfriend in New Zealand (I wasn’t. We had broken up. I am a terrible person). What made it worse was that I was the first person he had ever asked out. He was in third year of uni, had never asked a girl out and was wondering why he was still single. Unfortunately I found out this little snippet of information at a party, where I proceeded to tell all his friends while holding the hand of my new boyfriend. Once again, I am a terrible person. There may have been drink taken (sorry Jesus. And Mum).

Needless to say, it wasn’t meant to be.

Awkward Confession #2 : I don’t believe in ‘the one’. I don’t think that in this whole wide world there is one single person I am destined to be with. If there is, knowing my luck he will probably be based in South Korea. As I don’t intend to ever go to South Korea, he is just going to have to come to me.

I think you meet someone, get to know them, realise you’re onto a good thing, then commit to making them ‘the one’ you spend your life with. While we love the Twilight-esque concept of ‘destined-to-be-together’, I’m just not convinced that’s how it works in the world where vampires don’t exist.

I have been told that I am ‘real’ and that it’s ‘refreshing’. The unfortunate side-effect of this is that I tend to fly pretty close to the line of appropriateness and quite often step over and take a walk on the wild side. So I have been asking some of our church's most eligible bachelors the awkward question of 'WHY ARE YOU STILL SINGLE' as part of my extensive research into the ‘single epidemic’ that seems to be plaguing my generation. It seems that half of us are getting married and the other half are terminally single. So many excellent catches yet to be caught, so many crushes yet to be crushed etcetc. I have found that if you put this question to a decent guy who has a metaphorical queue of ladies lining up to be his future wife, he will hide behind the text book answer of ‘I haven’t found the right girl.’

I’m sorry, but I’m calling bull****. I’m not entirely sure what these guys are expecting. A neon saying saying ‘little miss right’? A 1 stamped on the girl’s forehead? The finger of God to descend from the heavens and point to the girl in question, while white doves take flight and the sweet serenade of Celine Dion drifts over the glassy waters caressing the hull of the yacht you just happen to be on for this magical moment? Fact: you will never know if someone is right for you unless you actually give it a chance.

While I’m sure there are couples who have experienced the mystique of ‘love at first sight’, for the rest of us romance-deprived youth a relationship usually starts with the humble crush. The simple, unglamorous moment when you notice something you like and feel drawn to it, even if you aren’t 100% sure what it is. Then, heaven forbid, you get to know them. This is the bit that takes a bit of effort, and a bit of balls. But I happen to have it on the good authority of a recently engaged couple, that the happy bride-to-be had never even considered her fiancé to be more than just a friend until he got off his ass and asked her out. And now they are on the fast-track to wedded bliss. Write that one down on your list of life lessons.

Yes, I know, it’s all a bit hit and miss. Asking someone out is risky. She might say no, she might laugh at you, she might slap you in the face. OR she might say yes, it might work out, you might get married and have lots of sex and babies.

 And before you get all dramatic on me, I’m not suggesting you date everyone you know. Don’t flatter yourself. I’m merely suggesting that if you have a cheeky crush and want to get to know them more, act on it. You never know what might happen unless you pursue it. Sure she might say no, but at least you know there’s nothing there and you can move on. The next one might say yes.

Or you could just do nothing and invest in a small cat colony. Up to you.

I realise this is all very hypocritical of me. When we fought for equal rights, we women should have thought it through and realised it meant we now had equal rights to make the first move. I mean, when was the last time I asked a guy out? Never. But I have my reasons, they are threefold (classic Friends reference for all you fans out there).

Reason 1) My close friends can attest to the fact that you do not want me to open the pandora’s box that is my ‘love life.’ It is definitely a lot more ‘com’ than ‘rom’ at the moment.

Reason 2) I will happily admit that I don’t have the aforementioned balls required to instigate the ‘getting to know each other’ stage of a relationship. Which potentially explains why I am still single. I prefer the much more dignified and ladylike approach of dropping fairly obvious hints in the hope that the unfortunate target of my affections will realise I am interested and do something about it. If he doesn’t take the bait he is either a) socially-challenged or b) not interested. Both of which are deal breakers.

Reason 3) I just haven’t found the right guy yet.